The Jasper Club

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HEKTOR!
3 CHEERS!
HURRAH! HURRAH! HURRAY!

Is anyone else,
I would like to enquire,
still in pyjamas,
or nightwear attire?

Fish are scared of heights.

That’s why they decided not to evolve and stay in the water.

And that is also why flying fish look worried.

When your mouth waters, it’s not saliva.

Your teeth are CRYING.

With a hop, skip and a jump
Sir Jasper did mount his fair steed
Waving aloft his red parasol
Preparing to do the dread deed.

With a jop, skip and a hump
Sir Jasper did stride 'cross the plain
Sniggering at all the hobbits
Who tickled the otters in vain

With a hop, jip and a grunt
Sir Jasper did swim up the stream
Safe in the knowledge that Icarus
Carved candles to light up his dream

And so did Sir Jasper do derring
As derring did herrings for tea
And thus with a bop, a lip and a skunk
The monkey declared: "It was he!"

The Kippers of France,
They dance in their parnts,
And spark in the dubious gloom.
While a Teddy called Fred,
Rolls over in bed,
and drinks melon juice
through a Bassoon.

*prod*

__oooO_________
__(___)____Oooo_
___\_(_____(___)_
____\_)_____)_/__
__________(_/___
*stop to tickle me*

face the music
and sing!

Then you will feel


Pleased as Punch!

Ta Da!

Whip crackaway,
Whip crackaway,
Whip crackawaaaaaay!

(Reprise).

Row The Boat (for it is she) celebrates a birthday today. I hear she is, yet again (and in the words of good old Seth Armstrong) as old as her tongue and just a bit older than her teeth. So, in this most jaspersome way, I, on behalf of the Jasper Club and also as the Honorariuum Presssiddeeeeeneeauuuum, wish you a most happy of birthdays today on this day day by day by day, today for your day is this day the birthday.

Kind refraine.

JASPERS - HO!

I am a cat lover, but I believe, when we come to think of it, if we sum up all we know of it, we can call a dog’s nose "the 8th Wonder of the World".

I would just like this opportunity to say how diddled I ham to be invited to join this group.
As Mr A would say after a particularly fine meal;
This is inarticulate muck and there isn't enough of it.

My family name comes from Jasper, the stone. So I was destined to be in this blog.

Dear Sirs, Madams, Mistresses, Masters and Stallions,

I regret to inform you that I am carving thusly because a matter of grave insignifiance has been rudely thrust upon my attention. Namely......

Could the cruel kindnesses be indifferent?

Or should they be multiplied to infinity?

Perhaps you would deign to consider this hot potato with the solemnity that it warrants. I, for one, trust not.

Yours hypothetically,

Cartwell o'The Heights
Wealas

I used to know a Corker of a Spaniel known as Jasper. A man called Butler threw him in a pond.

I bumped into Jeeves and Wooster yesterday playing cricket on the greens in the lovely little hamlet of Underlay-under-Bannister.

Vivian Snatch had made a lovely victoria sponge and introduced me to her fiance, a rather portly and obnoxious gent called Woderick Spode. I wondered why I took an instant dislike to this man. Besides his affiliations to the Nazi party that is. Then I saw him tamper with a red leather cricket ball. He must have had two balls about his person, on the very disconcerting evidence of his ungainly stride towards the club house.

To all my friends at the Jasper Club - just watch out. Woderick Spode polishes his balls!

"I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members........

However in this instance I will make the exception.

The Quakers' Meeting has now begun.

If you laugh,
Blink,
Fart, or
Run,
Show your ivory
Or your bum
You may have to pay a forfeit.

Does the club come in any other flavour? McVities does cranberry and lemon and lime

And the prisoners consoled themselves with apple turnovers.

The devil and the telephone had a baby, and they called it. . . the Cellphone!

For if the hare had beaten the tortoise, would the speckled hen have celebrated with a phantasmagorical flagon of patchwerk?

Or is the sky full of octopods?

You know.

To Jasper Club members of good cheer,
In responthe woone for tyme of year.
To onyx bespers quospe and boome,
An ready Ox to mesporne gloom.
Then falling all to proun and tinker,
With werdes of love to brescumb'd blinker.

Goodnight, passionate Squirrels.

Tttt-ttttttttt-tt-tttttttt

t

"That's morse," said Nipper. "Fuck that - I'm out of here."

the man has now been running for ten years. He has become a goose.

The man, in the picture, is now being pursued by a packet of walkers crisps (or crips as they used to say in Pret on Bow Lane).

Thou shalt not play snooker with a vole.

So bid welcome on this hyper candle that is the Jasper Club.

Ted must also be informed.

Kind refraine.

Hektor

There is no Jasper Club.